Monday, September 15, 2003
hey.. in sch now. just felt like blogging so i skipped maths lect. my blog looks so weird on this comp. the fonts are so big. so ugly. urgh..who cares. my blog looks nice at home so tts enough for me.
today was not so bad. not yet anyways. just kinda have a stomach ache. feel like going home but i want to c j's bra cos i miss her so much. so i thk i shall stay in sch and do work. dunno if atie or fil are staying back. i hope they are. if not then maybe i go n meet j first or wat. dunno la.
and today didnt think too much abt feli. hah! who am i kidding? wat nonsense. doesn't it seem so weird that here i am at this time again moaning and whining abt some body tt i love. it feels like deja vu but it feels so real at the same time. i know how i feel. and i know its not fake. but wat i cant understand is why i can just grow up and let the feelings die down by itself. why must i be as if i have just fallen in love for the first time and am shy to all the things that love brings. why do i feel like i'm a virgin to love? broken hearted for the first time. and willling to risk it all despite all the lessons i've learnt. i feel so naive. but yah..i feel this way. i cant get rid of it in one day. and i wont. that will just mean tt i didnt love feli in the first place and wat i felt was bullshit. bcos its not. its not. i will live with it. and i will always feel it. but one day the feeling wont be as strong and it wont be as painful.
if she only loved me...
if....
f loves f.
....
--insignificant lies--
1:35 pm